"Losing Him: Changes Everything"

Losing someone is the most difficult thing to accept. Especially when that person is the provider in the family. Losing my father was the ever saddest part that happened to my life not only to me but to our family as well. It's been eight years now when he died because of "cardioresperatory arrest." I am still at my thirteen's  that time but I can feel the pain until now. I even asked God why He have to get my Dad as early as that. When infact, we still need him in our life.

I can't forget the day he die, it was February 11, 2003 in one of the hospitals of Malaybalay City Bukidnon. At that day also was the convocation program in our school. I was second year high school then. I became the first honor in our class but nobody was there to accompany me. Though I'm happy that I received the award still my heart worried about the condition of my father. I've heard that he need to undergo an operation in his liver. I'm hopeful to see him alive again but without knowing, that the same day he died.

I've seen how much he suffered from pain because of it's ulcer but I didn't expect that he will die. From that day, everything in our lives has change. My mother becomes different, she left in our house and live in our other house. My two Kuya's were always with their friends and sometimes went home drunk. The family that was adored by our neighbors was now a broken family. I don't want it to happen but it happens. I was hurt but I am afraid to confront my mom. We live like it until each one of us decided to leave our house. My Kuya left for Manila after he graduated in high school. My other brother got married at his early age. I, continue my studies in college as a scholar at the Bukidnon State University but after two years I stop because I am no longer a scholar. My sister lives in our cousin's house in Cagayan and continue her studies there. I don't know why it needs to be like that. The family he raised has gone. It seems that though we love each other we have to live separately to continue living. Losing him in our lives was painful event that happened but living without him was the most painful because as we continue living, we have to accept that he was not there to guide us and we have recognize the changes living without him whether we like it or not.